I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
