she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
