I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
