the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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