Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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