like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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