You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
