Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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