Moan for me like Helen Keller
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
