actually, I'm a sock model
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
