I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
