i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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