Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She's like a pop up book from hell.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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