Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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