my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
