YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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