I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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