Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
