so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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