Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
