spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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