he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
