dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm always down for nudity.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
