I want to walk on stilts...naked
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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