3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
