you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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