There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
