I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
