there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
