Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
