Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
