He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
They took my balls.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
