Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
