Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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