forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
