$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
