Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
