You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
