how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
