I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
