If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
