her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
