i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize