can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
