Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
