I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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