Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
