Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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