Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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