Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
