Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
